Tag Archives: Naming

Lanky Streak of Witch Piss.

1 May

This is what I was christened at middle school courtesy of Shane the school bully. Thanks Shane. Luckily, this name only stuck until the end of middle school but this isn’t always the case. Sometimes those horrid names that kids give other kids stick all the way into adulthood.Currently my eldest calls his little brother “Bibby”. Now, this name isn’t only used by him. It’s been adopted by his Grandparents, friends and even us….I live in fear of my son being an adult man who goes by the name of “Bibby”…..Can you imagine…?

I remember a bloke that lived locally who was known as “Tweety”  as he had a pronounced stutter similar to the cartoon bird. I worked in the local chippy as a teenager and poor Tweety came in one night clearly wanting fish and chips. This is how the exchange went : Me : ” Hiya Tweety, what can I get you?” Tweety : “F, F,F,F, F  Fuck it, I’ll have a bag of chips” (Yes, yes, I gave him a fish too). 

My cousin went to school with a bloke called “Taddy”. Why? He shit his pants on the way to a school trip to Tadcaster. Poor Taddy is never going to forget the day he crapped his pants.

ImageWhy is it,all these names we are given are either derogatory or created from our surnames e.g Wardy,Smithy etc. You don’t hear of anyone walking around called ” great tits” or “giant nob” or ” amazing linguist” do you? 

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And I name thee….

19 Jan

Nowadays naming your child has turned into a contentious issue. This is probably due to the emergence of various quirky and made up names. When my friends have kids I tend to wait with baited breath to see whether they dole out a run of the mill name, a quirky or a downright shocker.

Cue….”Don Giustiano”.Admittedly, this was from a couple on the maternity ward I was working on.. Shocker. Dad then went on to ask me if I knew what the word “Don” meant. I replied that yes, I had seen the Godfather trilogy and wasn’t sure how this mouthful of a name would go down in the playground. There was also “Kevanna”(both parents names combined apparently) and males called “Tiger” and “Elvis “
A friend whose daughter has a somewhat unusual name, recently admitted to me she had named her daughter after the childhood dog she loved. Here’s hoping young ‘H’ doesn’t find out she was named after the family lab.
Admittedly, we named our youngest “Clement”. Albeit a traditional name it throws up all manner of problems at the doctors surgery. “Clementine” , “Clemence” and “Clamant” to name but a few. No doubt he’ll get taunts of “phlegm” in the playground (as opposed to the favoured “Clem” we love)but hey ho,we all have our crosses to bear. As a child I got “Barbara” “Lada” “Comi” and my least favourite, “lanky streak of witch piss”.
At the end of the day unless you’re a Shaftkat like a childhood friend of mine you’re pretty safe I reckon….
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