Tag Archives: Northern

Disco Granny, did someone call for Disco Granny?

14 Feb

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“Disco Granny” was a term used back in the day when I was clubbing. It was used to describe the saddo still busting moves on the dance floor way past their sell by date. We looked upon these people with disdain,swearing we would never be so uncool. We would be understated and elegant at “their” age. We’d never subject ourselves to such displays of stupidity in our “mature” years…

A few weeks ago I ventured out for a girly night. A lovely restaurant was booked in town and I was eating out with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a while. Wine was consumed and as is usually the case,my volume button and Northerness increased with each glass. I took it upon myself to tell the rather sedate (looked like an auditor) chap behind me to take his eyes off my meat. My loin of venison was currently making its way over to my table and I had caught him giving it the once over with his audity eye. I also decided to interrogate the nice young waiter about the type of nobber that orders quince ice cream. He assured me it was very tasty and plenty of non nobbers ordered it. We left shortly afterwards.

I hailed a cab and managed to engage in conversation with the taxi driver all the way home. There’s a strange type of magic that occurs when you’re pissed and jump into a cab. You are convinced that the cab driver really wants to hear about your views on world piece/current affairs/horsemeat in burgers. This I do know :They don’t and cab drivers have a talent for humouring pissed up women talking shit in the back of their cabs.
We arrived outside my house and the cab driver shouted the fare at me. This, incidentally was not the fare I could see glowing before my pinprick red wine eyes. Convinced the nice cabbie was now trying to take advantage of my tipsyness, I started to argue the toss with him (not really listening to what he was saying to me at the time).It was only when he matched my volume level that the message finally hit home… ” You’re reading the CLOCK love, as in the actual CLOCK and not the fare” …

Um, anyone call for Disco Granny? As we also used to say back in the day : Take.The.Shame.

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